Nine Disgruntled Maidens
by scarlett-hued-shimako
Summary: Who do the roses go to when they feel like they have no one to talk to? Why, a stranger of course! Only, he wishes they wouldn't... chapter 2 up!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, I'm back with a new fic. I was sitting in Calculus the other day, and this idea came into my head and wouldn't leave.**

**Basically, it's about this middle-aged guy and his encounters with nine of the Yamayurikai members. **

**Thanks for all of you have reviewed on my stories! All of you are awesome! If I were able to send you chocolate chips cookies through the internet all would totally have dozens by now, but since I can't, all of you can have an unlimited supply of imaginary cookies :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Maria-sama ga Miteru nor any of its characters. I only own Keiji. **

**Now on with the story!**

**Nine Disgruntled Maidens**

Keiji waited patiently until his companion was distracted enough to let him take a glance at his watch unnoticed. Great it was 6:30, and his wife had just finished setting dinner on the table about, oh, twenty minutes ago. Now, not only was he going to receive his meal cold, but also his wife.

"I'm sorry it was someone calling me, but it wasn't important." The green-eyed girl apologized as she placed her phone back into her purse. Keiji gave her a short nod as he took a sip of his coffee, wondering how he got himself in this position.

Oh yeah, the snow.

For the past three hours, snow trickled from the sky, masking the murky grey of Tokyo with a pure white sheet that had children praising their savior from school and the adults cursing their enabler of driving. Keiji, on his part, had no work to do and had decided to spend the day watching action films.

Half way through his first film though, Keiji tried and tried to get the mute button to work, but to no avail did he get it to work on his wife. 'I have been telling you for the past week to go into town and pick up my sister's present' she nagged, and when he told her that he couldn't because it was snowing, she had threatened him in ways that juxtaposed from her docile appearance.

Begrudgingly, he had left their apartment on his way downtown, muttering to himself that his sister-in-law could live one more day without the Japanese version of _Breaking Dawn_.

Women and that Edward. He would never understand.

After purchasing the book and telling himself there was no point in dropping it on the snow to get his wife angry, Keiji was on his way back home when the siren of coffee lured him away from the path to his wife and toward the death of his sleep-filled night.

He liked coffee, and he epically liked it on cold, wintery days even though his wife would always protest, saying that it was bad for his heart and that tea would be better for him. But she wasn't here at the moment, Keiji concluded, and like a mischievous boy who just gotten away with stealing one of his mother's cookies, he proudly walked into the cafe.

The cafe was filled with people who had the same idea of escaping the cold clutches of Mother Nature and finding comfort in a hot cup of coffee. Conversation and laughter filtered through the dimmed room as a slow jazz piece filled the pauses of silence, and even though Keiji had decided earlier to take his coffee to go, he chose not to. It would be nice to rest up before his one mile trek homeward.

If only the person in front of him would just _hurry _up.

"I'm sorry, I know it's somewhere in here." The girl apologized as she rummaged through her purse. Keiji's eye twitched. This girl was keeping him away from the coffee he desperately wanted, and he didn't like it one bit.

"I'm sorry. This usually doesn't happen to me." The girl apologized again, and even though the boy behind counter said it was find, Keiji could see the traces of irritation spread across his lips in a thinning line. The line was growing, and the people behind him kept there muttering irritation on the track of a crescendo. It was pitiful watching this frustrated girl only getting more frustrated over a cup of coffee that was suppose to make her feel better than to frustrate her even more.

Keiji couldn't take it anymore. It was as bad as watching his wife squeeze into a pair of size three jeans.

"Here I'll pay for it, and throw in a cup of black coffee." Keiji stated as he moved pass the younger girl, and toward the cash register. The boy behind the counter let out a sigh of relief, and speedily brought out the order, most likely wanting to get the younger girl out of his sight.

Keiji had ignored the younger girl during the transaction, even though he could feel her eyes burning a hole in his back. She seemed to be one those refined types, the ones who didn't like having to rely on anyone for help and her crisp black uniform suggested that she came from money. Lots of money.

Keiji internally sighed as he turned around with both cups in his hand. He really didn't want to be chewed out about how women these days could take care of themselves. That had happened when he made the grave mistake of asking some random woman on the side of the road if she needed help changing her tires. He still got shivers when he thought about it.

Surprisingly, the girl's green eyes held no pensive furry, but a forced politeness that caused Keiji to want to squirm. There was always something foreboding about a woman who tried to mask her emotions.

"Sir you didn't have to pay for me." She humbled herself as she reached for the cup Keiji offered her.

"It's quite alright." Keiji comforted as he gave her a polite smile. "This old man hasn't had the pleasure in buying a pretty girl a cup of coffee in ages." She smiled as if flattered, yet Keiji knew this was a facade. Her eyes held no amusement, only aggravation.

"At least let me make it up to you sir." She prompted. Keiji wanted to roll his eyes. How difficult would it have been to say thank you and leave? That's what most ill-mannered children would do nowadays. Why did he have to come across the one teenager in the world who wanted to repay generous acts? Couldn't she just turn around and pretend he never existed?

Keiji was about to tell her this. Well, not exactly that. Probably a little less bluntly, but he made the mistake of looking into the eye of the emotional storm that was going behind her emerald irises, and he felt his fatherly side urging him to help the poor little girl or at least let her get what she has been holding in off her chest.

Damn his fatherly side. He could have been on his way home right now...

"Well you could keep me company until I finish my coffee miss." Keiji offered, knowing that the younger girl's ladylike manners wouldn't let her decline. The girl hesitated before agreeing. She seemed to be in no mood for company Keiji could tell. Well that made two of them.

As they walked to a table near the window, the cobalt haired girl offered her name.

"I'm Mizuno. Youko Mizuno"

Keiji found himself staring at the girl in awe as she sat down in one of the two mahogany chairs, but quickly shook it away. He didn't need for her to think he was some lecherous old man. But who wouldn't of stared? Her father was one the most prominent lawyers Japan has ever seen, and even though money would be thrown at him from all sorts of directions, he would only select cases that he believed in. He had gained the respect of the citizens of Japan that way, even Keiji's.

As he glanced at her, he realized she was a part of a rising dynasty, and he felt a certain pride for witnessing what he believed as history in the making.

"I'm Noto. Keiji Noto." Keiji offered as he took his seat, nothing else would come to mind.

So that's where he was now. Sitting across a disgruntled teenager with a cooling cup of coffee in his hand, wondering exactly how was his wife going to punish him. That is, until he heard only silence coming from his companion.

Youko couldn't concentrate on the weirdness life threw at her. Never did she fathom that she would allow some middle age man to buy her coffee and then sit with him! No she was too distracted for that. College was knocking at her door, and with each day that passed, it was one day closer for her to make a decision on her major, even though she already told everyone she was going to be a lawyer.

"What's bothering you?" Keiji bluntly asked after the moments of silence were eating away at him. She kept avoiding eye contact, and if faith decided that their roads should meet today, Keiji was going to make the most of it.

"There's nothing-" She tried to lie, and had Keiji not had years of experience from dealing with injured high school athletes, he would of believed her cool lie.

"Look it's not going to make you feel better if you lie to me." Keiji reasoned nonchalantly as he stared at Youko straight in the eyes. "I'm a stranger to you. There is no duty, shame, or whatever it is that is keeping you from telling someone you know what's going on. It would make you feel a whole lot better, and if it pleases you to hear, you can rest assured that I won't give a damn about it once I leave this cafe."

Youko smiled at the older gentleman's reasoning. It sounded like something that Sei would say. But as Keiji waited for her answer, Youko realized talking to Keiji might not hurt so much. But could she risk it?

"It'll seem silly to you." Youko said as she waved her hand in the air, dismissing the matter as she sipped her coffee with her free hand. Keiji's eyebrow twitched. Why were woman so stubborn?

"Of course it will, now tell me what's bothering you" Keiji huffed as he leaned back in his chair.

Youko ignored the middle aged man's annoyance and looked out the window, smiling at the scene of a mother playing in snow with a toddler. She enjoyed watching the child's exuberance as his mother sprinkled snow on top of his head. Maybe that would her and her child someday.

Forcing herself to concentrate on the matter that brought her into the cafe, Youko asked, "What do you do for a living Mr. Noto?"

Keiji was caught off guard with the question. He was expecting her to dive into her dilemma and not beat around the bush, but shaking off his moment of befuddlement, Keiji answered.

"I'm a high school sports physician."

"What made you become that?" Youko asked, taking a sip of coffee, watching from the corner of her eye the mother and toddler walking away.

Keiji stared at her for a moment, not knowing exactly where this conversation was going. Wasn't he suppose to be the one with the upper hand?

"I love sports but I was never any good at them, and I enjoy helping people. It's the best of both worlds I think." Keiji answered hesitantly. Youko nodded in understanding.

"I'm going to go into law school to follow in my father's footsteps." Youko stated flatly. Keiji raised his eyebrow. He had expected this from the daughter of a Mizuno, but he didn't expect her to think so little of it that she couldn't even offer any emotion to her future. Not joy. Not doom. Not anything.

"That's admirable, but I'm guessing it's a lot deeper than feeling obligated to make your father happy?'" Keiji concluded, causing Youko to smile to herself. This man was smarter than she gave him credit for.

"You're right. I know father wouldn't care what profession I get into as long as it makes me happy, but I want to do something meaningful in my life." The twinkle in Youko's eyes caused Keiji to briefly wonder if he had ever been as idealistic as her in his youth. He believed once that what he did in life was meaningful, but did it really matter in the long run?

Keiji shook himself away from his thoughts. His mid-life crisis was scheduled for forty-five not forty-two.

"And I'm assuming the thing you want to become isn't meaningful?" Keiji asked, even though he knew he was right.

"It isn't."Youko sighed, but then she cheerfully said "I want to study the arts and become a painter some day."

For a split second, the unemotional mask fell, and Keiji witnessed the gloomy air vanish from sight to revealed a whimsical expression on Youko's face, taking away the maturity she had acquired over the years and for the first time since he met her, she actually looked like a carefree teenager.

"And you don't want to follow that direction because you wouldn't be able to help people?" Keiji deducted as he took a sip of his lukewarm coffee. There was nothing more unholy than lukewarm coffee. Coffee was meant to be hot and later to be discovered by coffee chains, cold. There should no in-between.

"Right. You can go your whole life never needing an artist, but at some point you are going to need a lawyer." Youko teased. Keiji chuckled never hearing anything more true. The girl could be funny who knew?

"It seems that you have already decided. So what's the problem?" The expression of blithe was replaced by a pure mask of discontentment once the words reached Youko's ears.

"I want to be selfish dammit!" Youko yelled as she pounded her fist on the table, garnering some quizzical looks from the other patrons. "All my life, I've done things to help other people, never thinking about myself. Whether it was reaching out to a self-isolated, bitter girl, forcing a dutiful princess to unbound herself from responsibility and to live a little, or thinking of others when in the long run it didn't matter."

"You can't help it; you're a meddler." Youko bitterly smiled at that, flashes of Sei coming into her memory.

"A good friend of mine told me the exact same thing. She said that meddling in other people's affairs was like an addiction for me, but I see as not living in vain. I believe the duty mankind has is to help their follow man." Again, Keiji wondered if this girl was for real. He once had a teenage daughter too some years ago, and never was she as romantic about ideals as Youko was. Maybe the cause for these ideals was that it was a grail in her other wise simplistic life.

"Even if it means sacrificing happiness?" Keiji asked skeptically.

"The medieval mindset in Europe was that life was not about finding happiness, but to do one's duty to God. As time passed by, humans become a bit more hedonistic until the only thing that mattered in life was finding happiness." Youko loftily said, garnering an eye roll from the Keiji.

"And that's the problem isn't it? You want to happiness, but you know you won't find it by being a lawyer. So, it's not a matter of choosing between becoming an artist and a lawyer. It's a matter of choosing guilt and misery." Keiji summed up as he finished his cup of coffee, wondering if the coffee was the only reason for the bitter taste in his mouth.

Youko watched him carefully. So, he understood, surprisingly. When he had forced himself into buying her coffee, she figured him an ass, but now she saw him as someone who could form an unbiased opinion of her. She found herself to be looking at the extremes of everything, but wasn't it human nature to look at the worst and best case scenario, knowing that what ever happens, life will land somewhere in between?

She giggled a bit when she saw him making a disgruntled face. Most likely the cold coffee he had just drowned; Youko had stopped drinking hers awhile ago.

A comfortable silence hung around them for awhile. Both choosing to look out of the window, watching the snow fall from the sky. One thinking that his wife was going to kill him the other trying to choose her words carefully for what she wanted to say next.

"I have this gut feeling that twenty years down the road, I'll look back in my life and think what's the point. I would have been promoted by then, have gotten married, and have a couple of kids. Basically, the life everyone expects for me, but will I be happy? Will I go bed every night thinking of what could have been?" Youko looked at him with pleading eyes as if Keiji had the answer to her problem. The culmination of her distress forcing her to ignore the embarrassment of pleading; she wanted an answer.

"Couldn't you become an artist and donate your money to charity. You would still be helping people out, and you could always do volunteer work." Keiji concluded, but not understanding women (or so his wife says), he knew no matter what offered as a solution she was going to shoot it down because she stubbornly believed there was no grey between the options of black and white.

"I don't want a middle man." Youko rejected. "It wouldn't matter anyways. I could be the next Picasso and have the world on a silver platter, but I wouldn't be happy. I would feel like I was wasting my life being selfish."

"And you don't think lawyers are selfish?" Keiji scoffed. "Even the noblest of lawyers, if they even exist, have to have something to make them continue being lawyers. It's that feeling of self-satisfaction caused from helping people out. If they didn't have that, they would of quite being lawyers long ago." Youko looked at him with squinting eyes. Of course she understood that. She had thought of it countless times, and even the words of gratitude from the people she would help wouldn't fill the void of what could have been. Yet the desire to receive those words kept her from exploring what could have been.

Youko sighed. It was all just one big vicious cycle.

"I understand that," Youko sighed dejectedly, "but I still wouldn't feel right becoming an artist-"

"And you wouldn't be happy being a lawyer." Keiji finished for her. He was tired with this conversation. He wanted to go home and have his cold dinner, and then call his daughter, thanking her for not inducing him with mind numbing headaches like he was experiencing now. (He had forgotten the period when his daughter first started dating.)

"It's between selfishness and selflessness." Youko summed up. The question she had asked herself countless times the past week and nothing she could do could make one seem better than the other.

"I guess the main thing you need to ask yourself is whether happiness comes from selfishness or selflessness." Keiji said as he got up, hoping to keep the annoyance out of his voice. He had done his part and allowed Youko to air his troubles to him. Now it was time for him to go home.

Youko stared at Keiji with concentrating eyes, and as if his words were a match, her green eyes spouted with a new fire. Whether the fire was due to her decision to continue to follow her passion or her to follow in her father's footsteps, he hadn't the clue. So Keiji left with a brief goodbye, giving Youko the time she needed to cut herself with either side of the double-edged sword she had to choose between.

The snow had stopped he noticed, and as Keiji walked in the direction of his apartment, he wondered if her snow of confusion would ever clear up as well.

**Please drop a review and tell me what you think :) I think Shimako might be next...Hopefully it will be up by Sunday night!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well here's the second chapter you guys. A little earlier than I had planned, but I don't think anyone is complaining. It's a bit darker than the other one, but oh well.**

**Thanks again for those who have reviewed! You have totally made my day!**

**I shall shut up now and let you read.**

His wife had laughed at him, but he was dry and that was the only thing that mattered to him. Sure walking through the streets of Tokyo with an umbrella seemed out of place and yes, being laughed at was becoming quite tiring, but the snow would not touch his brand new leather jacket if he had anything to say about it.

The snow was falling a lot harder than it did two weeks ago, and had Keiji known it would get this bad, he wouldn't of gone to visit his friend, who had just been released from the hospital after falling off a ladder. 'I only broke my leg. Can you imagine that?' his friend had told him in wonder. Keiji had shook his head; idiocy deserved greater punishment. Don't get him wrong, he loved his friend dearly. They had grown up together, but that doesn't erase the fact that climbing a ladder in the middle of winter to get rid of a bee hive was stupid. And with a broom no less.

Knowing his friend to be a bit arrogant, Keiji concluded that now whenever Keiji would warn him about his senseless plans, his friend would respond with 'I fell off a ladder and lived.' As if that were a justifiable response. Keiji heard of people surviving near-fatal accidents due to motorcycle misuse, and he would bet his next check that they didn't try to pop wheels on icy streets after being stuck in the hospital. Unlike his friend who told him he was going to use a water hose once the temperature started rising again.

Well, Keiji thought as he turned the corner and started walking onto a small bridge, if surviving from falling off a five foot ladder because of a bee attack is anything to be proud than let him be proud.

As he got to the top of the bridge, Keiji noticed a small figure on the sidewalk across from him, looking out at the small river that ran underneath the bridge. His first instinct was to walk away; he was cold, the snow didn't look like it was letting up anytime soon, and he had no desire to ruin his leather jacket (one of his rare splurges), but taking a closer look at the girl (he concluded because of the wavy brunette hair), he saw about half an inch of snow on her shoulders.

That foolish girl is going to get pneumonia and die, Keiji chided as he continued walking. Serves her right for staying out in this kind of weather. Kids these days have no common sense.

If he believed all that, then why were his feet taking him closer to the fragile figure than back to his heated apartment? Keiji cursed his fatherly side for the second time that month.

"Here take this." Keiji said as he offer the smaller girl his umbrella, trying to keep the wince out of his face when he felt the first snowflake touch his jacket. The girl jumped a bit when she heard his voice and turned with fearful blue eyes to Keiji, unconsciously taking a step back.

"Look I'm not going to do anything to you. Here just take it. There's no point in getting yourself covered in snow, even if you're foolish enough to be out in this weather." Keiji reasoned as he thrust his umbrella toward the girl. He wanted to get home quickly. Maybe there was still a chance he could salvage his jacket...

The girl looked at the umbrella in the stranger's hand and then at the stranger, no longer worried about getting kidnapped when she saw his annoyed yet pensive expression. It was then that she felt the coldness that was sipping in through her wet jacket, and as much as she wanted to push away the snow, she knew her conscious wouldn't allow her to.

"But I want it to." She whispered enigmatically as she turned her attention back to the river. " I want the snow to erase my existence, even for a moment." Keiji squinted his eyes as he studied her blank expression, wondering what kind of emotional nurturing was going on in high schools these days. First there was that Youko girl and now her. What had he done to piss off the universe?

"And why is that?" He asked rather darkly, shifting his eyes to the river as well. The grey river stood out against the white canvas it resided in, and Keiji pondered if it was the nothingness or the superficial purity that captivated the girl.

The brunette, on her part, had barely registered what the older man had asked, so in engrossed in her thoughts was she, but when she did, her eyes turned into mournful droops as she whispered with a doomed finality, "because I am a sinner."

Keiji made sure she wasn't paying attention when he rolled his eye. Seriously, who wasn't one nowadays?

"There are a lot of sinners in this world, yet I don't see any of them joining you. What makes you so special?" Keiji condescended even though he tried to sound inquisitive. More for her sake than for his own. She seemed on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

"I acknowledge the guilt or I have a conscious that forces me to do so!" She stated furiously as she locked eyes with Keiji. Who did this man think he is? If all he was going to was belittle her, he might as well leave with his 'noble intentions' of what? Making her feel better?

Keiji softened his eyes bit, realizing that this girl didn't need him to be an ass to her, even though the numbness in his ungloved hands wanted him to be one.

"And what is there to be guilty about?" he asked softly as he watched the anger dissipate from her eyes, only to be replaced with a tired hollowness.

"So many things,"she whispered, more to herself than to Keiji. Then with a lighter tone, she asked "Are you a religious man mister...?"

"Noto. Keiji Noto." Keiji offered as he leaned forward on the railing.

"I'm Shimako Toudou." she replied as she followed suit. Keiji would of said nice to meet you, but he had a feeling she would able to see through that lie.

Both of them were under the protection of Keiji's umbrella, Shimako long ago deciding that torturing herself wouldn't make her feel any better in the long run. So after a few moments, she dusted the snow off her shoulders, revealing two wet patches on her red overcoat.

Keiji watched the whole transaction with amused eyes. Where was her self- imposed martyrdom now? But after a few moments, the small smirk on his face turned into a grimace when he replayed Shimako's question in his mind. Was he a religious man anymore? He was one once, but that was a long time ago, when devastation hadn't touched his heart so painfully.

"I don't have a set religion and I haven't prayed in a long time, but I do believe it's arrogant of mankind to believe that there isn't a higher being we should thank for our existence." Keiji stated, failing to keep the small trace of resentment out of his voice.

Shimako heard it though, and ignoring the curiosity that wanted her to ask Keiji what had happened to him to make him so bitter, she sympathetically asked, "you're a fallen Christian aren't you?"

Keiji smiled bitterly. "I like to consider myself a falling Christian."

"What made you fall?" Shimako inquired, her nosiness having defeated her conscious. Keiji looked at her from the corner of his eye, noticing the child-like curiosity in those sapphire orbs. Could he destroy some of her naivety and tell her that God had brutally taken away his son fifteen years ago when he was barley an infant and had almost taken away his wife in the process? No, that's something she has to learn on her own.

"Life has thrown so many curve balls in my direction that have completely missed my hand and smacked me in the face. It's just sometimes I wonder why God stands back and lets misery happen." Keiji unclenched his fist when he finished, surprised he had gotten so worked up about it again. He thought he was over doing that, but don't scars still bleed if picked at?

Shimako watched Keiji's turmoil with pity-filled eyes. From the pain in his voice, she could tell he had lost someone dear to him. Knowing she didn't have the wisdom to say such things, Shimako found herself muttering the words that had comforted her when she thought of the misery in the world.

"God has a set a set plan for all of us, and whether or not it's great means nothing in the grand scheme of things. There's something out there that is larger than all of us, and call me naive if you must, but I think it's for the better. "

His eyes blazed in an unholy black fire that made Shimako genuinely believe that he was going to hit her. How is taking away an innocent life for the better, Keiji wanted to scream, but instead he whispered maliciously into the air as if God were listening to him, "I don't care about the who, the what, the when, the where, or the how. All I want to know is the why"

"Isn't it a bit arrogant of man to expect God to explain himself?" Shimako rhetorically asked with an air of maturity that Keiji had never heard before from a mere child.

Keiji's haze of anger paused in it's distortion and allowed his mind to think clearly for a second. It was arrogant wasn't? But he was human so that was justifiable to a certain degree wasn't it? He gave a brief glance at Shimako's frightened expression and chuckled bitterly at Shimako's using his words against him: his favorite kind of belittling.

"Perhaps." Keiji responded sardonically flicking a piece of snow of his unprotected shoulder, cringing inwardly with he felt the wetness on his jacket. His umbrella was meant for one person, and because of that, he held the umbrella so that it protected most of Shimako. There was no point in both of them getting pelted.

"Do you think he'll forgive you when Judgment Day comes?" She whispered, after a few moments of silence. Keiji looked at Shimako and cocked his eyebrow. Where had that come from?

"He might," Keiji concluded as his unoccupied hand ruffled his hair. He had many sleepless night wondering about that.""I've heard God is a forgiving God, but who knows? I might have some grand epiphany on my death bed and make it to Purgatory."

"Dante wrote," Shimako recited, forcing herself not wince when a particularity cold wind slapped both companions in their faces, "that Purgatory is the place where the soul purges itself in order to be pure enough to enter heaven. There are seven terraces you must go through, each one for one of the seven deadly sins. If I were to make it Purgatory, I'll stay the longest in the last terrace: lust."

Keiji looked at Shimako skeptically. He doubted this fragile western doll was some sort of nympho, but if the conversation was steered in that direction, he was leaving. He had no desire to have such a vulgar discussion with a teenage girl. One of his buddies maybe. But not a teenage girl.

"And what sin has caused you to be so sure of that?" He asked hesitantly.

Shimako stared at the river, wondering if submerging herself in it would make her as cold as she felt at that moment. Should she tell him? She glanced at him, and all she could see was a fatherly patience mixed with annoyance. No, he wouldn't judge her too harshly. And if he did, she could walk away and never see him again. Tokyo is a large city, afterall.

It took her a few tries, but she finally manged to mummer,"I'm in love with a woman." There she had said it, and as cliche as it might sound, she felt a burden was lifted off her shoulders. It was the first time she had admitted it verbally to anyone, including herself.

Keiji eyes widen at the disclosure. How was he suppose to respond to that? He had no past wisdom to offer her advice from because frankly, no one had ever come out of the closet to him. Was he suppose to give her advice on how to pick up girls? No that was stupid, Keiji concluded. Really stupid.

"I-I know this might be a confusing t-time for you-" he stuttered, trying to sound reassuring, but coming across as highly uncomfortable.

Shimako giggled at the poor man's misfortune."It isn't anything like that; I've already accepted the fact that I'm in love with a woman."

That's a relief Keiji thought, and was about to chuckle along side the younger girl (he was sure he must of looked silly), when it clicked in his mind. "You're worried about how God would react aren't you?"

Shimako nodded, her once carefree mask morphing into a saturnine one.

"Yes. God can forgive murders, adulterers, and rapists if they truly repent, but I can't repent for my sin because I'm not sorry. I am who I am." She reasoned darkly, her eyes a disgruntled pit of blue.

"Because it isn't something you are going to hide in order to please others." Keiji concluded as he watched the snow puffs dance along with the wind. Both of them really ought to be at home right now.

"Exactly, but how would God react to that? Will he condemn me to hell because I'm in love with a woman? I've led a decent life, and yet because of one sin, I'm damned." Shimako cried as she fervently searched Keiji's face, hoping to find the answer tucked away in one of his age lines. Something that would prove to her that she was wrong.

Keiji turned away from her pleading eyes. There was no point in condemning her with what he believed.

"I don't think God would judge you too harshly." Keiji answered truthfully, not telling her everything that was in his mind. "He couldn't possibly. Every single one of us in this world is a sinner, even the purest of us has at least a few stains on his' or her's white sheet, and if God expected us to be perfect, there wouldn't be anyone in heaven."

"This isn't about my lying or my cheating in the past!" Shimako shouted as her gloved hand forcefully connected with the railing. "Or something else that's easily forgivable. This is about my blatantly defying God's law."

Keiji's faced turned into a smug grimace."So you're like the thief who isn't the least bit sorry he stole, but is terribly, terribly sorry he's going to jail." Ah, the famous words of Rhett Butler. Keiji had always wanted to use it in a conversation, but the small sprout of satisfaction that came from doing so was not allowed to quench his annoyance with Shimako.

Shimako turned cold eyes to Keiji. Why in the world was she telling him all this? Why didn't one of them just walk away? Because, Shimako rationalized, one of them needed to air her troubles and the other one was lending her an ear. Why he was doing so though? She would never understand.

"I'll gladly receive my punishment." She said with a stern determination that made Keiji believe that she was preparing herself in case God should strike her right then and there. He really wanted to take a step back or two.

"But you aren't willing to stand up to the unknown." Keiji stated knowingly. Shimako realized she should be surprised and worried that this complete stranger could figure her out so easily, but she was too tired to do so. Instead she placed her cheek on top of the railing, the coldness penetrating her senses but not the haziness in her mind.

"Isn't it justifiable for humans to be afraid of the unknown?" She asked quietly. Keiji nodded his head in agreement. Death isn't as frightful as not knowing what comes after death.

"It is," Keiji paused until he had Shimako's undivided attention. When her tired eyes looked at him, he continued "but it isn't justifiable for humans to live their lives according to fear."

Shimako raised her head to met Keiji's eyes, and Keiji wondered if they had always been that dark but stopped when Shimako sardonically looked up at the sky and asked,"but that's the Christian mindset is it not?"

They shared a silent moment watching the scenery again, both concentrating more on the darkness of the river than the brightness of the snow.

"You know, I was a Buddhist once." Shimako broke the silence, and Keiji focused his curious eyes on her nostalgic expression. "My family has taken care of a Buddhist temple for generations, but I was never able to find comfort with Buddhism like I could with Christianity. It's comforting to know that in the hell we live in, there is an omnipresent being who genuinely cares for us and wants us to be happy."

Keiji looked Shimako over with new eyes. He knew her last name sounded familiar. His wife has dragged him to wedding that was taking place at her shrine a few years ago, though he couldn't quite remember if he had seen Shimako there. He remembered her father though, a jolly perceptive man with an air of tradition that followed him wherever he went, and wondered with a new found respect for Shimako how difficult it must have been for her to tell her father she was a Christian.

"And you're willing to betray Him for her?" He asked, more to humor her than anything else. He already knew the answer.

"I betrayed my Buddhist heritage for Christianity, and now I'm betraying Christianity for her. It saddens me to think that this is one huge cycle and something will come along that would make me betray her." No Shimako wouldn't do that to her, not like that other girl did a year ago.

"Does she know how you feel?" Keiji asked, hoping to distract Shimako from the air of gloominess that was spreading around her.

Shimako sighed dejectedly."I don't know. She's really observant, but then again, she's only observant to things that don't pertain to her."

"But you won't tell her because you don't want things to change." He concluded. Screw crossword puzzles, Keiji thought, it was a workout in itself trying to figure out Shimako's thought process.

"That and because we're not ready for any alteration in our friendship. She still hasn't gotten over the girl she had an affair with last year and would believe she had corrupted me like she believed she did to the other girl. As for me, I still haven't sorted out all my emotions." Shimako explained, tiredly. This conversation was taking a toll on her mind, yet it was worth not feeling the stiffness in her shoulders from the built up tension. She wondered briefly what her Onee-sama would say if saw her right now.

"And add the fact that you're still scared of God." Keiji said knowingly, breaking Shimako from her current train of thought.

"You wouldn't be?" Shimako asked with disbelief laced in her voice. Keiji chuckled a bit at her skepticism. He had long ago decided that his fear would culminate after death when he was being judged by God, not when he was still alive to choose his own dynasty.

"Well Ms. Toudou," Keiji said, as he handed Shimako his umbrella so that he could straightened his jacket out, not noticing the jacket's dye leaving a stain on his hands. He was done with this conversation; he wanted to go home.

"I believe that you're being a bit too hard on yourself. Whose to say that she wasn't meant to be in your life as a lover? Maybe in his weird way, God has set both you to be together in the future or maybe not. I guess what you have to realize is whether you love her or your religion more because as much as you talk about willingly going against your religion, you're still afraid to do so."

Keiji walked away, not even offering the girl a goodbye. When he was half way across the bridge, he heard the girl call out to him.

"Thank you Mr. Noto." she shouted graciously, even though she was still as confused as she was before she started talking with Keiji. "Is there anyway I can repay you?"

Flashes of Youko and the cafe pasted through his mind, and as much as he wanted protection from the cold, there was no way he was spending another minute with this girl.

He looked at her,chastising himself briefly for leaving her alone in the middle of Tokyo. But he shook away the thought. The girl had a strong resolve, she would be okay.

"Take care of my umbrella" he said when he noticed that Shimako was still holding his umbrella. There was no point in him having it now. His jacket was already ruined. He offered Shimako a small wave, before he turned around in the direction of his apartment, and for the first time in years, he prayed that Shimako would find happiness someday.

**Please drop a review and tell me what you think :) I think a Yellow Rose might be next, unless any of you have any other recommendations. **


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